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Dear Mimi,

i have been feeling so sad that you have not been getting much time with me lately. and this night, especially, since ozzy was freaking out cranky...as i sat on the glider, frantically trying to rock the crankiness out of him, you came and with a longing look said to me, i wish you would rock me too, mom. and i remembered all the nights i used to rock you to sleep. it was our ritual to rock on that glider every night. i remembered too, sitting on that glider and rocking when i was pregnant and reading cat in the hat loudly to the empty room and hoping you could hear me read.

you tried to climb on my lap even as i told you that i would rock you as soon as i could get ozzy to sleep. but you couldnt fit on my lap with ozzy there already and you were disappointed.


an hour or so passed before i was finally able to lay ozzy down to sleep, but you still remembered that you wanted time on the glider with me. so as soon as i stepped away from the baby, you said softly, now, mom? now can you rock me?

i sat on the glider and you crawled onto my lap and it was unbelievable how big you suddenly felt to me. you felt as big as an adult and i couldnt believe how fast it had happened...that one day you were as little as ozzy and i could hold you with one arm and today i could barely keep you on my lap, limbs spilling over everywhere.

oh, where's my baby girl? i lamented, my voice cracking, though i tried to say it with a chuckle, not wanting you to sense my true sadness. but you picked up on it anyway, nuzzled your face into my neck and said, i'm here, mom. and you gave me a light kiss on the cheek.

you are such a good, sweet girl. i'm so proud of you. for a 4 year old, you are quite thoughtful and kind. i know life at home is hard to bear at times right now, but i promise it will get better.

the other night, as i lay on the floor with ozzy, barely able to keep my eyes open from lack of sleep, you quietly went to fetch a blanket, and without a word, carefully covered me with the blanket and tip toed away.

i love you with all my heart. i hope despite the fact that i am so busy with ozzy right now that you know that.

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