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yeah but this time it'll be different!

when i found out i was pregnant with ozzy, i promised myself that this time, everything would be different. this time when this baby was born i wasnt going to be a 'helicopter parent' spending my days hovering, just hovering, over the child, worried about every little thing he did or did not do. this time, i wasnt going to be all paranoid, crazy, psycho mama, worring about this child not reaching milestones at an advanced rate...this time, i was going to ENJOY being in the moment with my child instead of always worried about the future. i promised myself that this time, i wasnt going to hurry this baby to grow up because in hindsight i realized how fast it all really goes.

except this morning, as i willed myself up out of bed bleary eyed from a rough night of a very fussy, stuffy nosed ozzy, who decided he would only sleep so long as i was awake from 3 a.m. until 7:30 a.m. this morning, this morning that found me barely functional, trudging down the stairs to help mimi get ready for korean school (thankfully rob was downstairs this morning to get mimi fed and straighten up the disaster of a kitchen that i left when i fell asleep on mimi's bed last night while i was putting her bed...thank god i fell asleep early last night, or i would have been a total basketcase, instead of the partial one that is now writing this). this morning i felt differently about ozzy.

every morning when i look at ozzy, i remind myself to enjoy this because he is my last baby. there will be no more. so enjoy this and remember it. but then, moments, like this morning, after rob and mimi left for korean school and i sat there nursing ozzy in a shirt that i realized i wore two days straight, and just this morning ozzy pooped on it, and it had been going on three days since i last showered and my hair felt gross, with visible waves of stink coming off my head and the smell of eau de baby poop on my shirt, well, this morning, i was ready to say, to hell with enjoying the moment, hurry up and grow up dammit, so i can take showers in the mornings for godsake! and i'm not talking about those 7 minute showers where i'm washing up so fast i must neglect shaving my legs or properly exfoliating. i mean the kind of long steamy hot showers that laugh in the face of water conservation and make my skin puckered and prunish, and my sinuses wonderfully clear. and then, equally luxurious, actually having time to thoroughly moisturize afterwards. today, i would have given up being present for ozzy's infancy just to have that bit of normalcy back.

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