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just dont tell me my kid is eating boogers


it's fall. the trees have finally reached peak color on our street and some have already shed their leafy vestiments leaving a technicolor shag on the ground to mold and launch an invasion on my sinuses; elections have come and gone, with obama campaign signs being stolen from lawns and appearing on ebay and demands for the original wednesday morning Post going for up to $100 and prompting an additional 300,000 issues of that wednesday's Post to be rerun. and of course, what would fall be without the advent of parent-teacher conferences?

rob and i went to mimi's school this morning to meet with her preschool teacher. conferences dont worry me too much because i usually know what's up with mimi at school...it's generally not too much different from what's up with her at home. and because mimi is in a cooperative preschool, we're there often enough to know her school persona quite intimately. so, much of what is said is not news to us and the conference is more a time to chat one to one with her teacher and just make sure we are on the same page with regards to mimi's schooling.

not much has really changed in terms of what mimi needs to work on in school over the years. her teachers would like to see her reach out to more friends to play. she prefers to play with one or two friends at a time and they'd like to see her involved in larger group play and to be more flexible when playing with friends...a nice way of saying, she takes the It's my way or the highway approach to friendship. she likes to dictate how everyone plays with her, and some kids are okay with it, but most kids are like, erm, no thanks. and that upsets mimi very much. she really doesnt get why someone wouldnt want to play entirely on her terms. we're told that this is very much an only child/first born issue since these children are largely in the company of pandering adults, none of whom want to make a little kid cry by beating her at a game (yeah, take that you little s**t...how do you like me now?) or by unctiously caving to her demands to circumvent any unhappiness (sure, by all means, go ahead and use me as your personal moon bounce. why not? sounds like fun.). in real life, other four year old children dont act this way to each other, and it's an unhappy reality for my child.

and then there's this other quirk mimi has where somehow she got the impression that the world was there to cater to her every need. maybe i gave her this impression when i used to do everything for her when she was a baby. she is so independent and can do many things on her own, but every now and then, she'll sit back and demand service, like she thinks she is president of the world.

mom! paper! (if she could snap her fingers at me and call out, 'garcon! garcon! service, sil vous plait! and then spit at my feet for being so slow, i think she would) and then she'll sit there and WAIT to be given paper, when she damn well KNOWS where her drawing paper is and can easily help herself. i give her a look like she's grown four heads and say, mimi, you know where your paper is! and then i ignore her.

then she goes like this: paaaaaaypuuuuuuuuurrr! paaaaaypuuurrrr! paaaaypurrr! PAPER....PAPER....paper...paper...paper..paper..paper.paper.paperpaperpaperpaperpaper which continues until i my eyeballs pop out of my head and i imagine myself holding her head under water and then telling a judge it was child induced insanity.

her teacher reports that mimi does the same thing in class. stands there in her coat after playground time and demands: "coat!" and goes off in that manner that might one day get her slapped. and her teacher will calmly say, 'is that working for you?'

when Public Eye is there and watching my parenting prowess, i would respond in the same way as her teacher, but in the privacy of my own home, screaming out STOP IT! loud enough to stop the shoppers at the nearby Giant grocery store with a puzzled look on their face wondering what was that crazed sound? is part of my witty reparte with my child. and did i mention i get a wild look in my eyes i yell? that's part of the ooompf factor that drives home the message that you are a demon child and could not have possibly spawned from my loins.

otherwise, mimi is doing great. and those two areas to work on did not surprise me. i'm just glad her teacher didnt tell me she was saying cuss words and using them correctly, or having her boogers for snack.

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