had to record how bad i'm feeling at this very moment, just for the record. my feet and ankles are swelling up something awful today. not sure if it's from all the sodium from lunch at Pho Cyclo today. uhhhhh. my stomach feels sooo stretched out and distended, and there's sooo much pressure inside my entire chest and abdominal cavity i just can't feel comfortable. belly is stretched out so much, the line that appears (linea negra) is thrown into sharp relief from sternum to crotch. i remember it from when i was pregnant w/mimi but this time it seems even darker and seems to stretch up further. my back and stomach muscles are so sore and weak i find myself hunched over constantly and achy. every time baby boy moves, i feel my already stretched thin stomach stretch ever more, painfully so, and whenever i stand he sits heavily on my bladder, making the urge to urinate ridiculously urgent. 7 more weeks of this to go!!!!
sometimes when i think about giving up on life in general, and sitting like a blob all day, unbidden my mind fills up with images of a neglected garden turning brown, rotting, dying, and thats often enough motivation to keep going, if for no other reason than to prevent the desolation from becoming reality. is it weird that when i think of dying one day, that i get sad knowing my garden will die when i am gone? i dont think anyone else would go tend to it when i am no longer around. i hope they will at least keep a plant or two in remembrance of me, but the little pollinator waystation i've been working for several years now to create will likely be razed and no more.
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