Monday, July 14th, i went in for my 41 week OB checkup. i was starting to get stress from everyone asking when the baby was coming out and lots of words of sympathy that i was STILL pregnant at 41 weeks. i was hopeful though that the baby was still healthy and that he would be coming some time this week. if he did not come by the start of week 42, my doctors had advised me to schedule a ceasarean for that week.
at my OB checkup, dr wolf checked the baby and my placenta on the ultrasound and told me that the placenta did not look so good any more. it was broken up into many globs and had a bright white halo around each glob. she told me it was breaking down and calcifying and wouldn't last very long. she also told me that she was a big supporter of VBACs (vaginal birth after ceasarean), which i was planning to attempt with this baby, but after checking me out, my cervix was too far back, too long, and closed and the baby's head was not descending (meaning i was nowhere near going into labor), that she didnt think it was looking very good that i could have a successful VBAC. she was very concerned with uterine rupture with me. she told me she would even be willing to induce a VBAC, but given my lack of progress thus far, that she wouldnt even consider an induction in my case. she was basically telling me i needed to have the surgery to have the baby and i would need it immediately.
it was very distressing to hear the news. i had been planning for the VBAC so earnestly for the past few weeks, and even though i was accepting of the surgery, it still made me sad and i found myself crying on her shoulder.
by the time i got to mimi's school to pick her up that day, i got a phone call from the OB's office saying the surgery would be first thing in the morning and to be at the hospital by 6 am. i couldnt believe it was going to be happening so soon! i called rob and put in my request for my last good meal in a few days: a bucket of KFC with all the trimmin's. (rob said i was being overly dramatic, i was not on death row, but my last birth with mimi, i basically did not eat for almost 3 days!)
after having my last glass of water before surgery at midnight, i finally turned into bed for a very restless sleep where i woke up every half hour having Braxton Hicks contractions and some anxiety about the surgery. i listened to my relaxation script and tried to stay relaxed. at 5 am i couldnt pretend to sleep anymore, so i got in the shower and washed as directed. put on some make up and some comfy clothes and ignored the grumbling in my stomach, already missing the routine bowl of cereal i have every morning. rob was just sitting down to eat breakfast at 6 am, so i gave mimi a last good bye kiss (she was sound asleep in bed) and gave my sister, woo, a quick alert that we were leaving.
we get to the hospital and i find my doula, chrystine, is already there. she's very calm and supportive already and i feel a bit better seeing her there. but my time with her is very short b/c they take me back to triage to get me and the baby on the monitor. in a few minutes they allowed her to come back and join rob and me.
then i met the anesthesiologist. he came in and told me he would not be giving me an epidural for the surgery, but instead would be administering a spinal block. of course i wanted to know why. (i dont exactly know what i had been given when i had mimi, it all happened so fast...i very well could've been given a spinal. so this still felt new to me. ) he told me the spinal was a smaller dosage than the epidural but it did the same thing. so why not do spinal instead of epidural in all deliveries, rob wondered. the answer was the spinal was only good for up to two hours, so a laboring woman would want something that could be given in a continuous dosage for a longer period of time, hence the use of epidurals.
he explained it was shot in the spinal cavity, and that he'd give me a shot to numb the area first. and then he went into the long and scary list of all the side effects and how i would feel and not to worry it was okay and normal... like he said i might start vomitting, or when the block reached my chest it would feel like i had stopped breathing b/c i wouldnt be able to feel myself taking in air, but not to panic b/c i would be okay. by then, i was already freaking out and starting to cry. my doula started to stroke my hand to calm me and rob was telling me i would be okay. and the doc looks at me and says, are you prone to panic attacks? yes, i nodded. well, you want to try to keep yourself from having one or it'll be even worse. (not the most compassionate person i'd ever met)
he told me if i did feel really sick, to let him know as soon as i started to feel anything and he'd inject more meds to counteract that and that sometimes the morphine (which is included in the spinal) would make my body start itching all over and if it became unbearable he'd give me more meds for that. basically, they were going to pump me full of drugs. oh yay. and of course all of it passes through the placenta to the baby. but he says, the baby wont be in there very long anyway. (it just kills me how casual they are about giving out drugs in the med community. i dont care how safe something is proven to be, it just seems wrong to do that to a little baby... i was really starting to feel sorry for my baby that i could not have a natural delivery and spare him all the drugging).
went to the operating room later. neither rob, nor my doula, were allowed in at first. so dr wolf was the one to hold my hands while i got the spinal injections. they talked me through the sensations as i slowly started to go numb and they began setting up for the surgery. after the first cut was made and i didnt flinch, they allowed rob to come in. it was a far different experience from my first surgery...this one was far more civilized. while i was still laid out crucifix style, i was at least spared the indignity of being completely naked and exposed on the surgical table as it was the first time. this time they very modestly covered most of me and also allowed me the courtesy of not having my wrist strapped down to the table, though i was advised to keep my arms straight out and flat down and not to move them.
the intense pressure, the shoving, the pulling...all those sensations were the same as before, though i thought this time around they did not pull up on my belly quite as hard as they did when mimi was born. and my doctor this time allowed me to have a moment with my child before whisking him away to be cleaned...something i had not been allowed when mimi was born. i didnt even get to see mimi until after the surgery was over and i was in recovery, which left me feeling very disconnected to mimi after she was born.
i had time to bond with baby boy after the surgery. dr wolf helped me hold him for a moment as i was recovering. we stayed in recovery for several hours (usually takes 1-2 hours to get sensation back, but it was taking me quite a bit longer). i was dying of thirst and my throat was so dry it was sticking to itself. i had to beg and plead several times before the nurse allowed me a swab wet down with water to dampen my mouth with. it was miserable. as soon as she left, my doula handed me the cup so i could at least get a decent sip of water!
finally, i was able to wiggle my left foot and was wheeled to my postpartum room. the rest of the day seemed to go by in a blur...my mom, dad, sister woo, and mimi came to the room. i dont even remember too much of what happened after that. i was so tired and starving! they did bring me lunch...chicken broth, tea, juice. and later dinner: chicken broth, tea, juice. and then breakfast: chicken broth, tea, juice. they wouldnt let me eat real food until my body was able to pass gas. i would have lied about it just to be able to eat, but they warned me about how bad gas pain would be about now, so i decided to play it safe and do it their way. luckily i was allowed lunch the next day... i pretty much licked my platter clean.
the next few days passed uneventfully at the hospital. mostly trying to catch some sleep in between feedings and diaper changes and trying to get some mobility...which was incredibly painful, even with the constant meds. they took the IV and the catheter out after 24 or so hours, so that was nice to be free from all that (when i was in the hospital with mimi, i had the IV and catheter for almost 3 days).
baby osten ended up with some jaundice and his numbers were slowly rising each day. while it wasnt severe, they were taking blood every day from his poor little heels to keep an eye on his levels. not being in any real danger, we were both discharged on the morning of the fourth day.
went to see the pediatrician this morning...his levels are a little higher, so we have to go back tomorrow for another blood test. ugh. also have an appt with a lactation consultant b/c he's not getting enough milk from me to meet his demands.
i had forgotten just how exhausting having a baby was and how demanding recovery from surgery was and then adding to that having to care for mimi...oy vey! i can't imagine how i would be managing without help from my mom, woo, and rob!
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