As the pregnancy progresses, and the thought of another child to split my affections with looms ever over my head, i find myself feeling so overwhelmed with love for my first baby. Every request to hold her, i do, and i hold her tightly with the thought that when baby two comes, such requests will probably have to be denied pretty frequently.
tonight i put her to bed. it really is a lovely time for me to spend with her, although sometimes other jobs beckon more strongly. tonight i realized how much she has improved with her counting and listened as she effortlessly counted to 100 tonight (in addition told me she wanted to count to ten in spanish as well. i had her count to 10 in korean too, but she was only able to get to 3 on her own. i had to help her with the rest). then we snuggled down to bed and she said, mom please dont leave me. i'm scared. i said, are you scared or lonely? and she says, i'm lonely. i dont like to sleep by myself. so i told her i would stay with her until she fell asleep. 'thanks, mom' she says sweetly. then after a minute of silence she says, 'mom, i'm really sorry i bothered you when we were downstairs."
wow. i fought an urge to cry when she said that. earlier that evening, we had been sitting on the couch and mimi kept pushing on me and i told her several times to stop b/c it was bothering me. when she continued, i said, how about i tickle you and no matter how much you tell me you dont like it and want me to stop i ignore you? she said, okay! so i proceeded to tickle and tickle and tickle until she finally howled at me to stop and looked really mad at me. so i finally let up with a 'see you didnt like that' and she admitted that it wasnt fun when someone didnt stop doing something that was bothersome.
so, when mimi apologized to me in the dark of her bedroom this evening, i thanked her for telling me she was sorry and how that made me feel better when she said that. then she says, mom? dont you want to tell me that you're sorry too? what am i sorry for? i asked. she says, you were bothering me too when you kept tickling me. oh, you're right. i am really sorry, i tell her, and it's really hard not to feel a lot of love for her at that moment.
tonight i put her to bed. it really is a lovely time for me to spend with her, although sometimes other jobs beckon more strongly. tonight i realized how much she has improved with her counting and listened as she effortlessly counted to 100 tonight (in addition told me she wanted to count to ten in spanish as well. i had her count to 10 in korean too, but she was only able to get to 3 on her own. i had to help her with the rest). then we snuggled down to bed and she said, mom please dont leave me. i'm scared. i said, are you scared or lonely? and she says, i'm lonely. i dont like to sleep by myself. so i told her i would stay with her until she fell asleep. 'thanks, mom' she says sweetly. then after a minute of silence she says, 'mom, i'm really sorry i bothered you when we were downstairs."
wow. i fought an urge to cry when she said that. earlier that evening, we had been sitting on the couch and mimi kept pushing on me and i told her several times to stop b/c it was bothering me. when she continued, i said, how about i tickle you and no matter how much you tell me you dont like it and want me to stop i ignore you? she said, okay! so i proceeded to tickle and tickle and tickle until she finally howled at me to stop and looked really mad at me. so i finally let up with a 'see you didnt like that' and she admitted that it wasnt fun when someone didnt stop doing something that was bothersome.
so, when mimi apologized to me in the dark of her bedroom this evening, i thanked her for telling me she was sorry and how that made me feel better when she said that. then she says, mom? dont you want to tell me that you're sorry too? what am i sorry for? i asked. she says, you were bothering me too when you kept tickling me. oh, you're right. i am really sorry, i tell her, and it's really hard not to feel a lot of love for her at that moment.
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