please please please do not go...

it's heartbreaking putting little man to bed these days...he finds just the right words to affect me.  he's very attached to me and wants me to stay with him all the time these days, most especially at night when it's bedtime.  so when it's time for lights out, he's crying, trying to cling to me, and begging for me to stay.  i find myself having a harder time leaving ozzy than i did mimi.  maybe it's because mimi would give up the fight a lot sooner, whereas ozzy will go on and on until i can actually feel myself teetering on the edge of giving in.  i guess the lesson here is that if you persist long enough, you can get what you want.  come to think of it, i think it's how i got DH to propose to me. ;)

after washing up, playing with trains, singing songs, and reading books, it's time for lights out.  well, putting ozzy to bed, goes something like this:

okay ozzy, time to sleep.


no, mommy, stay with me! (thru sobbing tears)  i dont want you to go!

ozzy, lay down and go to sleep.

no!
yes.
no!
yes.
NO!
yes.
NOOOOOooooo!
yes.
waaaaaaaahhhhhhh.


ozzy, i love you.  you need your rest.  lay down, go to sleep.


mommy, where are you going?


i'm going downstairs.


nooooo!  dont go! 
i have to.
no!
yes.
NO!
yes.
(repeat for a long time)
waaaaaahhhhhhh

please mommy!  PLEASE!  let me go downstairs with you.  i dont want to stay here.  it's scary.


what's scary?
the trees!
i'll close the blinds.  better?
mommy, please dont go.  i want you to stay with me.
no, mommy has to go.
no!
yes.
no! (and so on)
waaaaaahhhhhhhh


mommy, please, please, please.  don't go!  i'm going to be so sad!  please, hold me! 

finally, i sit on the edge of the bed and promise i will stay by until he falls asleep.  he agrees, lays down, closes his eyes for a minute, peeks out under his lids to check that i'm still there, i put a hand on his leg and tell him to keep his eyes closed, i'm here, and he says sleepily, okay, mommy, you stay right there.  dont go anywhere. 

and falls right to sleep. 

at first glance he seems to be really down for the night, but he usually will wake up looking for me once he gets thru the first sleep cycle.  i think he stays down longer when DH puts him to sleep b/c then he doesnt expect me to come to him and wont keep waking to look for me.  there are some nights though when i'm just too tired to deal with his waking and will just stay there with him so i can guarantee myself some solid sleep (though he does jar me awake several times throughout the night from his flopping and flailing...why do little kids move so much in their sleep???).  and i do have to admit that it is really really sweet to just cuddle with him.  he's growing so fast.  already he's too big to gather up into my arms and cradle without a lot of effort...his limbs spilling over every where.

i dont know how many more nights of this we'll have...it's already been many many nights like this.  i know he'll eventually outgrow this 'phase' he's in...mimi went thru it and outgrew it.  i know he will too.  as sad as it is for me to see him like this now,  it will also be a sad day when he's past it, and says, go away, mommy.  

ozzy napping in his favorite napping spot...the family room couch.